


I love you

by Notverycreative



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, jonmartin, post-159, pre-160
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:47:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23634811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notverycreative/pseuds/Notverycreative
Summary: It wasn’t very often at all that Jon had to consider if he could say I love you to someone and truly believe it
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	I love you

He rarely got this close to people to even have to consider this. The last person he could think of was Georgie and that was years ago now. No, it wasn’t very often at all that Jon had to consider if he could say I love you to someone and truly believe it. 

Of course he knew he cared about Martin, he couldn’t imagine a world without him anymore. But did he love him? It seemed obvious that he should love him if both of those things were true but it was hard to wrap his head around. Surely if Martin meant so much to him it would only make sense that he loved him. But it was hard to figure out what loving someone really meant. Was that it? It had to be right? He couldn’t be sure. But if he was going to get anywhere maybe he’d just have to know that he loved him and not think anymore about it. Sure. Alright.

But even as he concluded this in his mind he knew it would be a struggle to accept this fully. Sure it was one thing to know how he felt but it was another to accept it. He wanted to accept it but it wasn’t that simple. The barriers were built up too high. Perhaps the only way to pull them down would be to tell Martin. Then maybe if it was out in the open he could finally accept how he felt.

That just presented another problem though. Telling another person that he loved them had never been a thing that had come easy to Jon. To tell a person that they meant so much to you seemed like an impossible challenge. 

And then have to get across how much he really meant it. He could just say ‘I love you’ quickly, move on, and don't acknowledge how much it means for him to say that. Don’t acknowledge that maybe it means so much that Jon can’t even fathom what it truly means. No, he had to make sure Martin fully understood what he meant when he said it. Had to make sure that Martin meant the world to him. That he was everything. 

Maybe that’s what he should say then.

Jon looked to his left towards the window and wiped away the condensation. It seemed like a good idea to rehearse what he was going to say first.

“Ok,” he began as he stared into his reflection “ok so, I have something to tell you. Martin, you’re the most amazing person…”. Yeah, not quite right.

He started again. “Hey Martin, I think that you’re um… great”. No, definitely not.

Third times the charm. “You are the best person I’ve ever met. You’ve-”

“Who are you talking to?” 

Oh no, had Martin heard what he was saying? God that would be awful. He’d have to run away to a different country. No way he could face Martin if he’d heard those attempts.

“Jon? Are you ok?” He was concerned now. At first when he came in it was just mild amusement but now he was worried. 

He should say something, but what? ‘Yes I’m fine I was just trying to figure out how to tell you how I feel and slowly realising that I would never be able to make you fully understand how much you mean to me’. 

“I’m fine Martin,” he sounded exasperated, Martin was never going to believe he was ok if he sounded like that “I was just thinking, it’s ok.”

“About what?” Martin said as he wandered over next to the windowsill Jon was sat on.

“About you.” Jon said and regretted it instantly. Why didn’t he just lie? Well it was out there now, too late to turn back.

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” this was it, he had to tell him “Listen, Martin. I have something I really need to tell you.”

“O- ok. Go on”

“I care about you so, so much. You’re the most important person to me in the universe. I couldn’t imagine anything without you. I can’t fully explain it but I just need you to know how important you are. How much you helped me. How much I care about you. You are everything to me. I- I love you, Martin. I really do. I love more than anything.” 

There it was. He’d said it. And now he understood. He now knew he really did love Martin. He didn’t understand what he really meant but he knew that it was what he felt towards Martin. He loved him and it didn’t matter what that meant because it was true anyway. It was true. He could accept it. 

“I love you too, Jon.” 

It would be ok. Maybe Jon didn’t know what this all meant but as long as Martin loved him he would be ok. Even if he didn’t fully understand what Martin was trying to say, he knew Martin meant it.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fic so uhhhhh yeah. This isn't great that'll be why. Also how the actual hell do you end a fic? 
> 
> Oh! Find me on tumblr @demonboihere


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